i write this clog, to shed light on one man’s recovery, helping myself by telling on myself and hoping somehow, someone else may find it helpful…………that’s it

i have no illusion that i have the answers for me, let alone anyone else                     ———————————————————————————————–

i am a recovering alcoholic and addict                           i am also a diabetic

when i was active, i used alcohol as a camouflage, for years, discovered cocaine and used both, overdosed on cocaine…………….stopped that  and went back to a straight alcohol diet

i do not use anything not prescribed  by  my doctor and use each med as stated, i’m not taking anything you could get a buzz from………………..and straight-up i’m glad

okay……………………..so you have a pic of the landscape…………………now let’s talk about my diabetes from a recovery standpoint

i don’t use alcohol, i don’t use prescription drugs, i use the drug sugar,  my walk has taught me that anything i use to change, my mood, mindset or feelings, is my drug of choice at that moment

could be clothes, i used watches for a while, cars, shoes……..whatever

mine is sugar and it has become my drug of choice……………when i was told i couldn’t             words an addict or alcoholic has a hard time accepting

we used in defiance and we even killed in defiance………………………… killing ourselves

this is the logic of an active addict,” i will continue to destroy myself before i let you tell me what to do”   something perhaps never vocalized but perpetuated  everyday……………..”.you are not going to tell me what to do………………even though you are trying to save my life”

changing or substituting addictions something we do all the time and it’s a long way from being sober and i admit it

fessing up…………….coming out of the closet with my candy wrappers and saying i need help

life will continue to offer up things that we can grow from or choke from…………………it is the nature of our existence

the issues will change automatically………………………..the one i am confronted with today is still white………………….not putting it up my nose

in my mouth……………………………..praying for all in recovery, please pray for me