no Maggie it wasn’t you, although I thought it was

I thought about your sparkling smile amplified by the mile of wire you had in your mouth that inflicted so much pain and torture when I tried to kiss you as best as a 12 year old knows how

your image always faded, even your amber hair could not withstand the fading rays of light brought on by night

but those words, those words on the wrinkled notebook paper they didn’t fade

i could bring them back with a stick in the dirt or a finger against a frozen glass or wall, they never left me and that gave me more comfort than any hand holding  or side glances, offered with pensive smiles

it’s amazing that after all this time I have returned to you and you greet me with the knowing look of a grandfather that is sure a few wrong turns were in play to bring me back home after all this time, He knows just like you know

some things just are

you can cover them, ignore them, dismiss them but like bamboo gathering strength after years of of undetected growth

it shoots forth and there ain’t no denying, it was there all the time, breathing and gathering the things you thought were lost ready to weave them into a tapestry

these symbols that try in vain to capture life, they never quite succeed

but with my fading memory they are as close as i can get

I am coming for you my first love……….

words